Second Draft of the Script

INT. HEAD OF YEARS OFFICE. DAY

MARK is in the HEAD OF YEAR'S office discussing his poor classwork and homework

MARK

Sir, I'm not quite sure what you've been talking about. I work all the time.

HEAD OF YEAR

What have you been doing in Sociology?

Split screen of MARK reading "Nuts" magazine whilst MARK replies.

MARK

I was doing an in depth analysis of relationships between men and women.

HEAD OF YEAR

Well your Chemistry teacher says you're not revising experiments.

Split screen of MARK mixing drinks together whilst he replies.

MARK

I researched the effects of chemicals on the human body just last night.

HEAD OF YEAR

Hmmm... well the IT department says you have not come to grips with the work yet.

Split screen of MARK playing a video game

MARK

Actually, my programming skills are pretty amazing at the moment

HEAD OF YEAR

Well that's not what it says here. Listen your exams are coming up soon so you ought to knuckle down if you want to make something of yourself

MARK

Yes sir, of course

MARK walks out of the office looking smug.

INT. MARK'S BEDROOM. DAY

MARK is walking to his bed to get ready to sleep. He sees books on the bed and throws them off to get into the bed.

INT. MARK'S BEDROOM. DAY

MARK wakes up to see the ghost of himself at the end of the bed

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE

Hi, it's good to see you again well... of course it would I'm you, well from the future at least

MARK

(Under his breath)

Uh... OK, clearly this is a dream

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE

Take it how you want. I will show you your future; one where you are continuing on this path and the other
built with success. Now, shall we begin.

INT. MARK'S HOUSE. DAY

Via split screen, MARK picks up two sets of results

MARK (Voice over)

What is this?

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE (Voice over)

This is what would happen if you don't start studying now and this is what you will get if you buck up now and study hard

MARK (Voice over)

Sweet, I got an A

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE (Voice over)

Only if you study now, the path you're on now leads to failure you're capable of great things.

INT. MARK'S BEDROOM DAY

MARK

I don't understand, my targets are high, how will i get Ds and Es that can't be true. Don't worry i'll be fine.

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE

This is what happens when your studying is video games and drinking...

Shall we go on?

EXT. UNIVERSITY/JOB CENTRE. DAY

MARK is walking through the university gates and the other side is him walking into the Job Centre.

MARK (Voice over)

I go to university as well?

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE (Voice over)

Not with the way you're going now. How can you get in with two Ds and an E?

INT. MARKS BEDROOM. DAY

MARK

There's no way i'd ever end up at the Jobcentre.

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE picks up magazine "Nuts"

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE

You like girls, yeah? What i have to show you might affect you. Are you ready for it?

MARK

(Nervous)

Okay...

INT. CAFE. DAY

Via split screen they see MARK with a girl laughing. On the other is him alone having a drink clearly depressed.

MARK (Voice over)

Wow! She's beautiful, who is she?

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE (Voice over)

Ah yes. This is your girlfriend. Emma

MARK (Voice over)

I actually get her?

GHOST OF STUDENT FUTURE (Voice over)

Only if you go to university and meet her there. Without that you never meet her and end up alone.

INT. MARK'S BEDROOM. DAY

MARK

Okay... I know what I have to do...

INT. MARK'S BEDROOM. DAY

MARK wakes up in shock. He gets up, picks up his books and sits down to work. 

Changes from the first initial draft

Compared with the first draft, the second draft features a large variety of changes. To start with, the first scene direction that is used compared to the first one which has no name our group decided to instead make the characters name be Head of Year due to him not being a significant enough character for a name to be necessary. 

Our group from the first draft after analysing it also decided to make a change between the ghost of student future and mark. In the first he would have met it in the street during the day during the dream sequence but we changed that in the end so that instead it would appear next to him so that the interaction wouldn't be completely random. It was also practicality issues where it would have been easier to film if done in the bedroom rather than the street due to possible continuity errors. 

Some of the dialogue that is present also differs greatly from that of the second draft. After reviewing the first initial draft for the dialogue as a group we felt that Mark felt a little too robotic in his answers always seeming to say for example "I got an E? which would then have lead to another question this is how the majority of the dialogue went. However, after changing it we made the character appear more human and seem to have a certain personality. We decided to choose him to have an arrogant personality always thinking that he was better than anyone else and thinking he would never fail. We also developed his innocence where he seemed stunned that he actually got a girlfriend. Thereby, by doing this it created a new depth for the character which made him seem more realistic. 

Finally, there were also some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors that were present in the first drat which were after reading over it were corrected in the second draft. The scenes where after seeing the future we also decided to go back to the scene in his room so that the large majority would not be a voice over. It also makes it a clear setting where the two are able to talk to each other privately; as before without that they would have just been talking to either a white screen or over the individual clips of his future which would no not last that long to compensate for the speech afterwards.

What my group were thinking of adding at the end of the clip after the credits have appeared were a scene that would show Mark looking like he is studying for his exam but then when getting a closer view with the over the shoulder shot it would present him reading the "Nuts" magazine instead, despite everything that has happened.